LACTATION RAINBOW

Jimmy Chen is my friend. He is currently, and abruptly, single.

I know he looks like sort of a wise catfish or some creature monster from "big man, japan." What he lacks in magnetism he makes up with humorous critical thought.

He has a stereotypical asian-american deep voice and his speech has a slow tempo to it.

He's sort of a douche too. Once he wrote a post called "FUCK YOU JEREME!" on Htmlg because I said some shit that made him angry.

So my guess is he beats women. Kind of an overreactor.

I think i'm fucking this up. Check it:




(maybe he can get a sympathy blowjob at the next awp. i'm just saying everyone is already fucking everyone else anyways. just seems fair.)

15 MOST OVERRATED CONTEMPORARY AMERICAN WRITERS. HUFFINGTON POST

This list is ridiculous. Some of the folks on the list: Jonathan Saffran Foer, Junot Diaz. Serious. Really, Anis Shivani? Who the fuck are you? When you write anything half as good as anyone one your list, then talk shit. Being a foreigner, living in America, writing about the exploits of impoverished nations, might get you nominated for awards, but it's been done by people better than you, it's played out. Yawn. Instead of focusing on people you are jealous of, why not focus on contemporary writers who really are puffed up? People who can't write a lick? There are plenty, but Junot Diaz isn't one of them. I'm so sick of haters concentrating on ripping apart people who have found success, who have accomplished something great. Why not write your own novel that's so much better and more original than The Bonesetter's Daughter, instead of a bullshit column used to get attention? I guess if you could, you would.


The rest of the list is here:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anis-shivani/the-15-most-overrated-con_b_672974.html?ref=fb&src=sp#s123763

WHITE RAPPERS ON SOME WHITE SHIT. EMINEM. IT'S ALL FLASH FICTION?

TIME TO BE SAD: IT'S THE WEEKEND!

SAM PINK IS A VISIONARY. This is a thought I had while wandering Hollywood on mushrooms July 4th weekend. It is true.





Check out his books here

DECOMP. AUGUST 2010

Another excellent offering from DECOMP. August 2010 contributors:

FLASH PROSE
Defne Cizakca, Ashley Strosnider, Eugenia Tsutsumi

SHORT PROSE
Monica Carroll, Savannah Schroll Guz

POETRY
Mark DeCarteret, Heather Derr-Smith, Ivy Grimes, Jennifer Moore, Kenneth Pobo, Gregory Sherl, Pui Ying Wong

BOOK REVIEWS
A Review of Almost Dorothy by Neil de la Flor
A Review of If You Lived Here You’d Already Be Home by John Jodzio
A Review of Ernesta, in the Style of the Flamenco by Sandy McIntosh

I AM THE PEDOPHILE OF YOUR LONELINESS

I am sort of obligated to do this post. I promised XTX that I would post my facebook updates if she sent me a picture of her unshaved armpit. She did.

It wasn't as good as I had imagined it. I wanted more like black wires emerging from a mayonnaise graveyard.
I will totally sell the pic if someone wants it. Seriously.

I'm sure Paul Madore would buy it. But I think he's going to be sad to see my name written on her skin.

So like I said I am obligated to post my facebook updates. Most of them are lines or titles to poems. Others are me just being a perv. Enjoy:

DEATH BY CUNT

SOUL DOUCHE

EMOTIONAL SASQUATCH

GERIATRIC ROSCOE

CULLING MY LEGEND

I JUST WANT TO WRITE POEMS BITCHES CAN BOOTY POP TO

APPLESAUCE COWBOY

FISTFUCK YOUR HEART

TASTES LIKE ASSHOLE IN THE SUN

FUCK THE FLAME

PANTY SNIFFER IN THE LIBRARY

MEATLOAF CAUCASIAN

I'M GOING TO START PRINTING MY NAME & NUMBER ON TAMPONS TO HAND OUT TO STRANGE WOMEN AT HOLLYWOOD PARTIES

ARE YOU OFFICER?

I CAN'T FEEL MY BRAIN

CRANE EROTICA

ADORABLE LIKE GRADE-SCHOOL HANDJOBS

AGNOSTIC BUTTHOLE

ANALLY PHO'D

YOU ARE MY WAR TIME FINGERFUCK

SHOTGUN ERECTION

SATIATE ME

RANDOM ACCESS MAMMARY

SLOW DRAGON IN A FAST SKY

JELLY ROLL

EXTRACURRICULAR HEADACHE

YOU CAN'T YAHTZEE ALL THE TIME

FRUIT POOPER

SEPTUAGENARIAN SANCHEZ

BUTTHOLE MOTORBOAT

SLOW KISS TRANSCENDENCE

VIDAL SOURPOON

MAYONNAISE PUSSY

CUNNILINGUS JAB

TURD CITY

BONER SONAR

CUNT DEMEANOR

83 POUNDS OF LOVE IN A 3 OUNCE HEART

SEXUALLY APPROPRIATE

HASH BLUNT

FUCK THE LAKERS; I'M GONNA GET HIGH

ASCETIC SORCERER

NERD CUNT

GORGON ORGASM

RIDE THE YOUNG

CLAYMATION SATAN

MY HEART IS ABOVE MY HEAD

HABITUAL HEBETATION

THE RUTH OF MY ANUS

KINKY WINNEBAGO

SCHOOL GIRL DIM SUM

KILL PEOPLE WHERE THEY THINK

SOFTCORE HOMO

ASHTRAY PUSSY

IF ONLY I HAD AN UZI

I WILL NEVER BE A GODDESS

CHEESEBURGER HIATUS

MORNING SATIVA WITH NIETZSCHE

MASTICATING COLON

I AM NOT A WORTHWHILE HUMAN BEING

CLASSIC JEREME DEAN

JIM J BULLOCK FOR THE WIN

ELDERLY COITUS

I'M GOING TO TAKE ALF FOR THE BLOCK, JOHN

WHEN I AM THE ONLY HUMAN ALIVE, I WILL DETEST YOUR PREVIOUS EXISTENCE

SHOTGUN FOR THE CURE

UP, ABOVE

PUSSY EMBARGO

I'M JUST HERE FOR THE BOYS WITH MOMMY ISSUES

IMMACULATE SHITHEAD

I'M JUST HERE FOR THE GIRLS WITH DADDY ISSUES

IS NOW ENEMIES WITH YOUR TERRIFIED SMILE

IS NOW FRIENDS WITH YOUR UNREQUITED LOVE

PISS HOLE POUNDER

I AM THE ASS RIPPER OF YOUR PRE-PUBESCENT , HOMO-EROTIC DREAMS

WHAT THE FUCK IS A POETESS? AND WHAT MANNER OF ASSHOLE CALLS THEMSELVES SUCH A THING

JESUS ADOLF CHRIST

SAMOAN BALLET

33 YEARS AGO I RIPPED OPEN A PUSSY. YAY FOR ME. YAY FOR LIFE.

LOS ANGELES IS THE NEW NEW YORK

SLIM JIM COUTURE

BEEF STICK TITS

I JUST WANT TO SNUGGLE

CALIFORNIA REAMING

POLISH REGGAE

OCTOGENARIAN BIKINI

CARDBOARD ORGASM

HOMOSEXUALS DON'T KISS

CALGON, DROWN MY CHILDREN AWAY

FLIRTATIOUS MONGLOID

18 YEAR OLD GIRLS TOTALLY GET ME

DIFFICULT LIKE SASQUATCH CUNNILINGUS

ORNAMENTAL GANGBANG

I JUST REALIZED I DID NOT GET ASKED TO SADIE HAWKINS THIS YEAR, AGAIN. SAD FACE.

GRISTLE COCK

TITS ARE OBVIOUS

FORKED CHERRY

EIDETIC FELATIO

SCROTAL CALCINOSIS

EPHEMERAL BONER

PRETEND YOU ARE IN AN ELEVATOR

ORPHANED TURKEY NECK

BOB SWIMS FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION

CLEFT HYMEN

STRIATED URETHRA

EXPENSIVE PONCHO

FEELING LIKE A SENSUAL COCKERSPANIEL

STYROFOAM VISION

CRINKLE CLIT

AGGRESSIVELY SAD

CHOAD BITER

KNOTT'S BERRY FARM MADE ME EMO

CHIK FIL A TIO

SEXY TOSTADA

BRISK HANDJOB

SOUTHERN GIRLS TASTE LIKE PINEAPPLE SHERBERT

I PUT THE ANAL IN ANALECTS

MENSTRUATING BUTTERFLY

NO MUTUAL FRIENDS

DOUCHE, DOUCHE, REVOLUTION

CLITORIS IN BLOOM

PASSIVE WHITE AGGRESSION

ANAL TREPIDATIONS

IN A STATE OF HELLO KITTY MENOPAUSE

ASHES OF FANTE

People say LA isn't a writing town. I don't get this sentiment. Do they mean there aren't bullshit parties with publishers to attend? The type of party where you drink yourself to death because it is the only way to keep the mock smile plastered on your pathetic face? Man we totally have those here but the producers put them on, not the publishers.

And there is a lot more pussy and better drugs at these parties.

Or do they mean there is nothing worthy of writing about here? Pics of some shit from the boulevard:

WISE WORDS

"I'm not caught up in your laws, my words can't be held against me." - ODB

INSPIRATIONAL NIETZSCHE:

"One must pay dearly for immortality: one has to die several times while still alive."

AWP 2011. WASHINGTON DC. DOGZPLOT * JMWW * SENTENTIA * WIGLEAF. WONDERLAND BALLROOM. 2/3/2011. 7PM

THANK ME LATER. JOHN BERRYMAN

JOHN BERRYMAN - "There sat down once, a thing on Henry's heart, so heavy, if he had a hundred years and more, weeping, sleepless, in all them time Henry could not make good."



JOHN BERRYMAN - "Is that thing on the front of your face what it seems to be pal..."



JOHN BERRYMAN - Read by THATGIRLELENA

GUEST BLOGGER: SHANNON PEIL "THAT GUY"

I try not to call myself a writer, or a poet, or anything, honestly. I've always had this thought in my head that you can't call yourself a writer until everyone else is like, 'Oh yeah, that guy - that guy is a writer.' But if someone walked up and asked me, 'What are you all about?' and I took it seriously and didn't say something outlandish to cover up my insecurities about what it is that I actually do with my life, I would probably say, 'I like to write.'

This answer doesn't end conversations like I wish it did. I wish that when you said 'I like to write,' the person on the receiving end of your answer would just say, 'That's nice,' and not really mean it and walk away.

SUPERHERO. MATTHEW BLASI. POW! BAM! BOOM!

My man, Matthew Blasi, Superhero and Superwriter, started a blog dedicated to both the superhero and to the comics where they can be found. Here's a snippet from his debut post where he discusses his initial introduction to Wolverine:

"Wolverine, doused in blood on the cover, with spikes sticking out of his hand (Barry Windsor Smith would later say something along those lines), looking pissed, ready to kick ass, take names. And the shit hits the fan from page one. We open on a 9 panel spread depicting a village littered with dead bodies, villagers and soldiers both. The seventh, eighth, and ninth panel usher in the action, as unseen figures lift the dead and prepare a funeral pyre. We catch a glimpse of what looks like a blade housed in a wrist sheath, and a costumed hand holding a torch. The next page brings together the previous page’s action with full-page splash panel of Wolverine and two comrades standing feet away from the blazing pyre, staring into the fire’s light. Threaded through these are images are the call and response inner questions of Wolverine: “What is Rumika [. . .] Ramika’s a funeral pyre. And I’m the undertaker. And chief mourner” (1-3). The immediate impression was simple: sorrow, loss, revenge that woudn’t stop at simply nabbing crooks. In fact, Batman’s crooks seemed suddenly small, petty. Sure, Joker and Two-Face were scary. But Wolverine’s foes would slaughter a whole village, men, women, and children, just to get at him. Wolverine wasn’t dealing with crooks and capers. He was dealing with genocide. This wasn’t Batman playing detective, leaving his foes tied up under a street lamp for the Gotham PD to haul in. This wasn’t Spider-Man cracking jokes and courting Mary Jane. This looked like (and still looks like) serious superhero nastiness."

So yeah, that's what he does. Stop by when you get a chance. Read it, love it, embrace it, then read it again. May the force be with you (I think that's from Star Wars, but I digress).

POW! BAM! BOOM!